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And with good reason: For Introverted personalities, online dating can seem like a perfect fit. Rather than elbowing our way through crowded parties or shouting over the music at a bar, we can browse potential matches from the comfort of our very own homes — possibly in our pajamas, with our pets nearby for moral support — and take as much time as we need to craft messages to people who catch our eye.
Introverts report having fewer romantic relationships — both long- and short-term — than Extraverts. It can be downright harrowing to put together a profile. And do my teeth look weird in that picture?
And think about having to banter with a perfect stranger over chat or text messages. Is it weird if I use proper grammar? What are we supposed to talk about, anyway? How do I know, you might ask? In the beginning, these dates felt very much like a chore, but over time, I found ways to tailor each step of the process to my Introverted personality trait.
When I first decided to try online dating, I did so in typical Turbulent Mediator fashion. Probably no one will want to meet me, anyhow. Secretly, however, I very much hoped that at least someone would want to meet me — and so I resolved to make the most perfectly appealing profile ever.
I chose the most flattering photos I could find and described myself in a generic, nonthreatening fashion. And that worked… Well, sort of. I got dozens of messages, and I went on a flurry of dates. But none of those people really got me — maybe because the real me was nowhere in sight.
Maybe you find yourself stopping to get a better look at a clear, well-lit photo of someone with a big smile. And what turns you off? Photos that look years out of date? Grammar and spelling errors? Half-completed profiles that trail off into a long, sad line of ellipses with a few commas accidentally thrown in…,…,…,,…? This can help you see your profile the way a potential match might. For example, have you:.
Many Introverts — myself included — find it uncomfortable to share details of their lives or even pose for photos. Fortunately, you can get off to a good start just by snapping a few fresh pictures and posting a clear, concise description. For guidance, take a closer look at those profiles that catch your interest. How long are the descriptions? Are they broken up into multiple paragraphs, if the platform allows for that?
Seeing what works in other profiles can help you find both a length and format that makes sense for your own. After nearly a year of online dating, I decided to change up my photos. Instead, I snapped a couple of quick, imperfectly lit selfies of me with the forty-string harp I was learning to play.
They also conveyed something I was actually passionate about. And you know what? This step can be tricky. On the one hand, exchanging written messages appeals to many Introverted personality types. Interacting with someone via a screen? Sure, we can do that. When I was doing the whole online-dating dog and pony show, I got a little dopamine hit every time I got a message. Of course, not every message deserved a dopamine hit.
Some of them lived too far away. If you wait a week or even just a few days to send someone a message or reply to their messages! If someone catches your eye, drop them a line right away. Just focus on establishing contact. If, after chatting for a little while, you want to meet someone, then let them know. When it comes to online dating, this can really set you apart. How did you get into that? When chatting with a potential match, use your listening skills to draw them out.
Making it to this step is a good thing. Alas, they almost always showed up. This can help you feel more relaxed and present during the date itself. You might need to schedule some alone time to gear up for a first date, and afterward, you might need even more alone time to recover. Ready for the good news? It can also empower you to forgo some of the most common romantic ploys, such as playing hard to get.
Remember, Introversion comes with its own gifts and is not a liability when it comes to dating. Here, fellow Introvert, are your options: As you might guess, I strongly recommend the latter.
I know exactly one lucky soul who married the first person they met online. The rest of us go on a number of first dates before we meet someone with whom we click. You can view this as a bad thing, or you can see it as a gift. Whatever the lesson is, take it to heart.
The hours after a first date can be surprisingly stressful. You might mentally replay each moment in a conversation, wondering, Was it super awkward to talk about how much I love chocolate hummus? But even for Introverts, waiting on someone else can be really disempowering.
How about we do that again sometime soon? It felt bold and brave and honest — feelings that can be surprisingly thrilling for Introverted personalities. Are your hands buzzing with excitement, or do your cheeks hurt from forced smiling? Is it too soon to send a message? In fact, I know it can be particularly challenging for us Introverts. But at least we can handle this step over a text message if we like. Just a couple of decades ago, we would have been stuck doing all this over the phone or, if the Introverted personality stars aligned in our favor, via answering machine.
But at other times, it might bother you a great deal. Ask me how I know that. In this way, rejection is a gift. Let us know in the comments! Not a member yet? Create a free profile by taking our personality test or entering your results yourself.